The Power of Difficult Conversations
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 fair to say that America鈥檚 more than ready to unburden itself on race,鈥� (UMB) President Jay A. Perman, MD, declared to an audience of nearly 200 UMB alumni, faculty, and staff, and others gathered at Baltimore鈥檚 historic Parker Metal Building on June 12 for 鈥淎n Evening with Michele Norris.鈥�
In his introduction of the featured speaker, Perman reminded the audience of Norris' long career as a staff writer with several major newspapers and later as a reporter for ABC News in Washington, D.C. The audience responded with laughter when Perman spoke of his personal sadness when Norris ended her 10-year run as cohost of National Public Radio鈥檚 premier news program, 鈥淎ll Things Considered.鈥� 鈥淚 was sharing with Ms. Norris the fact that my drives home are lonelier,鈥� he said solemnly.
The audience reacts to Veronica McBeth, MSL '18, as she explains her six Race Card words: "Tell Me What White Sounds Like."
It was during her time at NPR that Norris began , an effort to explore race, diversity, and inclusion by asking Americans to distill their experiences, thoughts, and observations down to six words. 鈥淭he project has collected tens of thousands of submissions since 2010. Some of them are hopeful. Some are angry. Some are heartbreaking. All of them are brave,鈥� Perman said.
Norris explained that the concept of The Race Card Project came out of research for her book, The Grace of Silence: A Memoir. The book tells the surprising stories of the impact of race and racism on her own family, many of which she had been unaware. Norris described how her father returned to Alabama from military service in the 1940s and sought to register to vote. At that time, state law required applicants to pass a test of knowledge of the Constitution. One day, police prevented Norris鈥� father from attending preparation classes, she said, and in an ensuing scuffle he was shot in the leg. Older family members never told Norris and her siblings about the incident, she said, 鈥渂ecause they didn鈥檛 want us to cradle their anger.鈥�
鈥淲hen I went to research this book, I learned so much about my family, but also so much about America, that as much as I appreciated that knowledge I was terrified that when I went out on this 35-city book tour that I would be asking people to engage in a conversation around race,鈥� she said. 鈥淎nd I didn鈥檛 think America was ready for it and so that鈥檚 why I came up with this concept of asking people to share six-word stories.鈥�
The biggest obstacle to open discussions of race, Norris explained, is trust. 鈥淭here is an actual cost to having that conversation and speaking honestly. You feel that if you speak your truth, you might offend someone, you might be viewed forever through that lens,鈥� she said. 鈥淚f you want to get to the corner office, if you want to get to a position of leadership, being the person who talks about race, who fosters the honest conversation about race, is not always the popular position to take.鈥�
The Race Card Project helps to bridge that trust divide by keeping the conversation narrow to start 鈥� just six words 鈥� and asking people to fill in the back story. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 where we were able to tap into America鈥檚 DNA around race and culture,鈥� Norris said.
One example of a race card submission drew gasps from the audience and cries of 鈥淭hat鈥檚 remarkable鈥� and 鈥淭hat鈥檚 really disgusting鈥� 鈥� Black Babies Cost Less To Adopt.
鈥淓very step of the way in this research, I just really had a hard time with this one, but I realized what we were doing is uncovering hard truths,鈥� Norris said. The back story, she explained, was that the writer had a black teenage son via transracial adoption, and she worried that he would learn something heartbreaking later in life.
鈥淲hat she was talking about we confirmed in our research,鈥� Norris explained. 鈥淭he fee structure varies on the race of the child. If you want to adopt a child who is white, the fees are much higher. If it鈥檚 a Hispanic child or mixed-race child, it鈥檚 kind of mid-range, and it goes down and down until you get to black boys and the fee structure is the lowest.鈥�
The reason for this, she added, is that there are more children of color than families willing to adopt them, so agencies create an incentive to promote adoption. 鈥淓verybody in the process we talked to told us that it is a reflection of our values,鈥� Norris told the audience. 鈥淭he economics around that process is something that holds a mirror up to us ... and asks us to look at ourselves and what we see, and it started with just six words.鈥�
Although always poignant, not all of the discussion was as gut-wrenching. Norris drew knowing laughter when she announced the words on her own card 鈥� Lady, I Don鈥檛 Want Your Purse 鈥� opening a discussion on an all-too-common experience. 鈥淗ave you ever been to a space and a person of color walks past you and you don鈥檛 even know why you do it, and you pat your wallet or clutch your purse a little bit?鈥� she asked.
Looking back to the election of America鈥檚 first black president and concomitant hopes for a 鈥減ostracial鈥� society, Perman alluded to the country鈥檚 current polarized politics and rhetorically asked Norris, 鈥淲e got that wrong, didn鈥檛 we?鈥�
鈥淚 have to tell you, at the time I was saying, 鈥榃ait a minute, pay attention,鈥� 鈥� Norris jumped in to say. 鈥淚 was born in 1961. I have no problem telling you how old I am 鈥� the same age as Barack Obama, by the way. So, we were born into an America where we could not walk into a restaurant, we could not order a ham sandwich. Laws dictated where we could eat, sleep, get our schooling. And we have, as a country, denied agency and authority to people of color or people who were outside of mainstream culture, and we think that if a black family moves into the White House, it鈥檚 done? Oh, no, put your seatbelts on.鈥�
Rapid demographic change, she noted, 鈥渢o some people sounds promising and like a bright horizon, and for some Americans it sounds like a thunderclap that brings a change that is scary.鈥�
Audience member Veronica McBeth, MSL 鈥�18, offered her own six words 鈥� Tell Me What White Sounds Like 鈥� and related her experience as a black woman who sometimes encounters what she called 鈥渢he shock and awe at who they鈥檙e meeting with, with who they talked to on the phone.鈥� McBeth drew laughter when she added, 鈥淚 have gotten excellent loan rates, however, because of my name and my voice,鈥� but quickly returned to the serious topic of how to push uncomfortable conversations about diversity, equity, and inclusion.
鈥淚鈥檓 on a board that presented what I thought was a fairly benign quiz about what you thought about diversity and inclusion and it quickly got tabled, tabled to the point where they said, 鈥極h, this is uncomfortable.鈥� Well that鈥檚 the point, it鈥檚 to be uncomfortable. So how do you resurface the conversation?鈥�
In answer to that question, Norris left the audience with some key suggestions. 鈥淟et people know you鈥檙e going to be uncomfortable at times,鈥� she offered. 鈥淔ind allies. ... Find people who can be at the table who can affirm and validate what you鈥檙e trying to do. And then try to help people understand this notion that these conversations don鈥檛 just accrue benefits to you. That perhaps the people who are most uncomfortable have the most to gain from the conversation and help people understand that there鈥檚 an institutional benefit to doing the work. If you can navigate a difficult conversation and keep people at the table, you will build this trust dividend that you can cash in later.鈥�
