91大神

Face to Face: Our Relationships

May 29, 2020   |   Alex Likowski

Imagine spending every hour of every day at home with the ones you love. Sounds like a dream, or does it?

As millions of us are discovering, we鈥檙e not accustomed to working from home, seeing how our significant other actually spends their day at work, having kids hunkered down over the kitchen table trying to finish the strangest school year on record, or even just having everybody in the same house all the time. There are many, many types of relationships and it seems just about every one is being tested during the coronavirus lockdown. It鈥檚 too early for reliable data, but the anecdotal evidence is certainly being tossed around the media.  

You can read about 鈥渃oronadivorces鈥� and 鈥渃oronababies鈥� in The New York Times. The Wall Street Journal likens what we鈥檙e going through to a 鈥渟tress test鈥� on relationships. Even the BBC advises that it may not be practical to 鈥渜uarantine and chill.鈥� (If you don鈥檛 know what it means, don鈥檛 ask.) Any way you look at it, being alone together or just being alone is an emotional magnifier.

The May 28 edition of Virtual Face to Face with Dr. Bruce Jarrell featured guest Geoffrey Greif, PhD, 91大神 School of Social Work professor and the author of several books on couples, sibling, and male 鈥渂uddy鈥� relationships, and soon a new book exploring connections with in-laws.

To start things off, host and 91大神, Baltimore Interim President Bruce E. Jarrell, MD, FACS, expressed what seems to be the majority opinion among Americans: isolation is for the birds. 鈥淚鈥檓 the kind of person that loves to have face to face meetings with people in person,鈥� he said. 鈥淭hat was the way I worked.鈥�

Greif was sympathetic, but pointed out there can be advantages to isolating with a loved one. 鈥淢y wife said to me the other day, 鈥業鈥檓 getting to know you in a whole new way.鈥� She meant that as a compliment thank goodness,鈥� he added.

鈥淏ut during this pandemic, what is it exactly that creates the stress?鈥� Jarrell asked. 鈥淚s it that I have to have people around me?鈥�

鈥淲e鈥檙e all in the same storm, but our boats are not the same size,鈥� Greif explained. 鈥淚鈥檓 a grandparent but my children are not in Baltimore, they鈥檙e in Boston. I don鈥檛 have them underfoot, or I don鈥檛 have them near me. Those are two narratives. Do I think of them as being underfoot or as a source of support? But the way I write that narrative, I鈥檓 in control of,鈥� he said.

Callers were quick to seek answers, and advice. 鈥淗ow does one gently navigate adult child-parent dynamics when one parent is living in the adult child鈥檚 home that鈥檚 not perceived as disrespectful for the parent?鈥� asked one caller.

鈥淢y significant other and I just moved in together. This is a big transition even without a pandemic. What strategies would you suggest we adjust to this new living situation, specifically for finding some personal time when we鈥檙e basically confined together in our home?鈥� asked another.

The most feedback from the audience came from this question, 鈥淲hen I鈥檓 at home working I don鈥檛 really feel like stopping working and fixing lunch for my husband who鈥檚 also at home and then he goes off and does what he鈥檚 doing and I鈥檓 stuck with cleaning up the mess, too. How do I get him to take more initiative?鈥�

鈥淭he truth is I have no idea,鈥� Greif responded with a chuckle. 鈥淭hat being said, we can start to say what happens if you say, 鈥業鈥檓 going to make your lunch, and the expectation for doing that is I鈥檓 going to expect you to do the dishes?鈥�  Everybody鈥檚 feeling various levels of stress, being unclear what the new rules are going to be. Are we going to change our roles or are we going to continue in the roles we鈥檝e been in?鈥�

On a more serious note, there was this question that went right to the bottom line: 鈥淩ight now we have to treat each other as a threat. In my trips to the store, people are less courteous to one another as a result. Will we ever go back to being friendly and smiling?鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 a great believer in the resilience of the human spirit,鈥� Greif offered, thoughtfully. 鈥淚 think we鈥檝e coped as a country, as a world with world wars and other terrible events. 鈥� I鈥檓 an optimist and I think we need to wring from this, with a W-R-I-N-G, to our benefit as hard as it is now with so many people dying, with so many people unemployed and worried about their next paycheck. 鈥� I鈥檓 optimistic that we will come through this, hopefully in a better place.鈥�

Watch the entire program by clicking the link above.